ASKING FOR HELP  - 

WORKING WITH A LIFE COACH

WHAT IS A LIFE COACH? 

"A life coach is a professional advocate who consults with people to help them strengthen life skills and reach their full potential. Life coaches are highly sought after because they help people make new goals and change the direction of their lives. They use their interpersonal skills to learn more about each person and their history and to provide them with an objective perspective on what is necessary to take their personal or professional endeavors to the next level. Additionally, they offer support, motivation and accountability to do the work necessary to achieve clients' goals. Life coaches can also assist people through major life crises and transitions, as well as those with emotional or social disorders that impact their lives. These professionals help people learn to thrive after experiencing periods of adversity. For example, an individual who is pursuing a career change could employ a life coach to guide them throughout the transition." 

Article section copied from: https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/finding-a-job/what-is-a-life-coach

WHAT ABOUT THERAPY? 

"Therapy, also called counseling or psychotherapy, is a long-term process in which a client works with a healthcare professional to diagnose and resolve problematic beliefs, behaviors, relationship issues, feelings and sometimes physical responses. The idea behind therapy is to focus on past traumas and issues to change self-destructive habits, repair and improve relationships and work through painful feelings. In this sense, therapy focuses on the past and on introspection and analysis, with the hope of resolving past issues and creating a happier, more stable future."

Article section copied from: https://www.tonyrobbins.com/coaching/life-coach-vs-therapist/

MY STORY

I am a huge advocate for mental health, and I’m also the perfect example of not practicing what I preach. I advocate for other people to ask for help and to get the help they need. I am always the first to help but I never ask for help. 

Recently I saw this TedTalk about what it means to ask for help when you are in a helping position. The conversation was focused on the fact that as a helper if you do not ask for help when you need it, you place a negative stigma on asking for help and therefore whenever you help others you do so through a lens of judgement. 

When I first heard this I was in shock! NOT ME. I am not this person, I do not pass judgement on those whom I help or who need help. Truthfully I was only defensive because it is true, I do not want to ask for help because I believed that I cannot be helped, that it would make me weak to ask for help, that it would discredit me as a helper if I expressed this need. 

I would like to disclaim that I have never been to therapy or spoken with an actual therapist or psychologist. As someone who has studied psychology, and clinical psychology helping skills, I did not feel as though that is the type of help that I needed to overcome my own personal traumas. 

I did a lot of the work myself, read tons of articles, read all the self help books, followed all the right accounts, and journaled ALL THE TIME. 

I had come to terms with a lot of my traumas and circumstances but even with all the knowledge I had acquired about my trauma I had failed to neglect the effects it had on my life to it's fullest extent. I was never stunted in my growth and prosperity in life, I met all my goals, graduated, moved out, became independent... que me falta!? Well.... the emotional and mental aspect of this growth was stunted and ultimately depleted. I had everything I wanted and achieved everything I wanted to but I wasn't happy... I felt like I lacked purpose and direction... 

I didn't immediately jump to speak with a life coach, the story goes like this: 

I came home late one night from a social event and felt so alone. I tried to ignore it but caught myself frustrated that I could not convince myself to ignore the feeling. 
I stayed up , cried the rest of the night in my bed, until the birds started chirping. I dressed myself at 5am to go take a walk on the beach…

I remembered a post I had seen while I was up restless that night… this empoderada mujer that had posted about starting free consultations for her new venture as a life coach. 

I had been following her as a source of inspiration not only in the professional aspect but also simply in life! Working in the mental health field, creating her own nonprofit as well as building a brand surrounded around wellness and mental health for the Latinx community- recently having launched a new podcast. I felt so drawn to this woman and the amazing things I saw she had accomplished. So much of what she did aligned with what and who I wanted to be seen as… so.. I went on her bio and scheduled a session. 

I didn't go in with any expectations. 

After the brief introductions, one simple question triggered an emotional point: 

 the moment she asked about why I felt so limited or what was blocking me from achieving what I told her I wanted to achieve… I began to tear up, from tearing to crying, to balling my eyes out to essentially sobbing.

Over the course of 8 weeks of sessions, I was able to re-brand my purpose in life. 

I was able to overcome my feelings of constraint against the control I had of my own life. 

I took back my role as the Jefa of my life.

My inner Guerrera was empowered and although my traumas and pain still remain, my life-coach provided me the skills and support to focus on what I came to her for: to be able to continue to take action and fulfill my dreams of living an intentional life. 

FINDING THE RIGHT SUPPORT

My experience working with a life-coach, who is trauma informed, focused on holistic healing practices, culturally responsive and overall a light with the warmest soul to me was divinely sent. 
The trust and connection I built with her felt so innate and communal. I truly feel she was placed in my path to support me through this slump by my ancestors and guardian angels without a doubt.. 

Now, the important take away I would like to offer here is that we all need help. 

We always need help. The part that makes receiving and asking for help a nurturing process is being able to know what you need help with and finding the appropriate person with the resources to help you. 

With what I was feeling and needed at the time of my low point was not a therapist, I didn't need to dive deep into my emotions (I already do that myself, ALL THE TIME). 

What I did need was understanding, support and connection. 

My life-coach was able to point out the limits of my generational trauma and to the root of the issue she provided me with the empathy and support I needed to feel comfortable taking steps out of this rut. 

It is what I needed, and who I needed to hear it from. 

CLOSING

Asking for help is never easy, take it from me. 

It's important that we don't let bad experiences, people that didn't know how to help and support us, hold us back from seeking the support and guidance we need... the one we can actually benefit from. 

I know asking for help sounds like it should be as easy as saying, "can you help me" but the truth of it all is that it's a complex process of self reflection as well. 

You have to ask yourself, how can I be helped? how am I willing to be helped? what will help me in this moment. 

This is the reason why I am a big Holistic Healing practices enthusiast, because beyond the normal standard of mental health support in the U.S.... therapy is NOT the only way. 

In my case it is NOT the way I needed to be helped. 

I needed support and mentorship, along with an understanding of my culture and the depths of trauma induced self-doubt. 

As a final note, I want to also include that healing is not linear. This interaction does not mean that I will not need other forms of help later.. but for now, for the problem I was facing, I was able to receive the help I needed. 

To you the reader: I hope that you are able to ask for the help you need when you need it too 🤎