Isolation for an Anxious Introvert

 




Isolation for an Anxious-Introvert 

I want to first break down the word Anxious-Introvert. 
Looking up the definition of introvert, there is a specific mention to not being readily open and willing to either share your ideas and feelings or even to present yourself. 
The anxious part of the word refers to the feeling of unease and worry. 

This combination of unease and worry along with choosing no to be so quick to share with others about yourself and how your feeling is what has been a theme for me throughout my entire life. 

I am the type of person who will shut down at the first sign of distraction and the person who will change the subject/idea to something simpler when I realize the person I am talking to either dismisses my ideas or simply only wants to engage in a surface level conversation. 

The fear of rejection within spaces that ask of me to share my time, feelings and emotions is tied into the anxious feelings and this is the reason for my isolation. 

I truly feel I thrive in isolation because I am calm, the voice inside my head is relaxed and enough time in solitude sparks my creativity. 
I frequently choose for this setting than any other because I found that many times in social gatherings whether or not they are meant to be open and receptive to your "whole-being"... very often, they are not. 

I don't always feel that there are many places in this world that welcome these types of interactions. 

I've found more peace in solitude and isolation than in the expectation that people choose to interact socially for the desire to intentionally connect with other humans. 
Many times I've felt that going out or interacting in social settings for some folx tends to be an evasion of the solitude and lack of interaction with others. Whereas I find this extremely exhausting to be in spaces that true connection is not being made. 

I sometimes wonder how much of this is in my head and how much my need for isolation is a coping mechanism for my anxiety. Although one thing I know for certain is that I value my choice of introversion and being reserved, because we as humans are complex and I know my worth as a person cannot be perceived upon my one time interaction with anyone. 
Social media is a comfortable boundary for anxious-introverts like myself, because as soon as it begins to feel unauthentic - I can close the app and lock my phone. In person, this looks like my choice for Isolation, rather than unauthentic interactions for the mere attempt to not feel alone. 


Featured in the picture: 
1) My personal writing journal 
2) Hardcopy and Kindle Version of my poetry book: Getting Over You 
Purchase your Copy Here 
3) Photograph of my father and I 


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