Self- Healing shouldn't feel Isolating

 

"Self " - Healing shouldn't feel Isolating

During my "self healing journey", I always declared myself a "self-healer". 

I wanted to heal myself because growing up I didn't have the support I needed nor did I see ways to receive access to the resources I needed. 

I didn't realize why I was so prideful and stuck on the term self-healing. 

I now realize that because of the lack of trust I had in my guardians growing up, I had learned to only trust in myself as a coping-mechanism. 

The truth is, I would have liked to have the support. I wanted and desperately searched for community and guidance. Although, my hyper-independence truly limited the scope of my depth in those relationships... I still remember crying or tearing up any time someone expressed care or interest in my wellbeing. (This still happens now)

Going to doctors appointments by myself, I always teared up when the doctor would give me recommendations on how to feel better. Acts of kindness and grace always felt like much more, because I didn't always receive that growing up. When I started seeking support from life-coaches and therapists, I realized that seeking help and allowing others to help me was very tender and difficult for me. 

Growing up, my emotions were often dismissed and my worries completely ignored. I was not supported through difficult feelings and situations and my coping skills were management strategies that now as an adult with full autonomy, I have had to unlearn. 

This created a lack of trust and fear of dependence on anyone other than myself. I found refuge in my solitude and until now I realize why my healing felt "stumped'. 

I remember hearing from people before, "Why don't you let them know how you feel?", "Why don't you ask for help?" etc. 

This was the hardest for me in "seeking help" from others to tell me to go back to the source, where I had already tried and still never saw change. 

I was always very outspoken growing up and, in asking for more, I was always shot down. 

So imagine how I would feel when others would direct me to the source of the trauma. 

This made it much easier to keep things to myself and more so to not want to seek for help... 

Truthfully this journey has had several detours, but every moment has been a lesson. 

Now my above story may not sound very aligned to the title of this Blog post... but I'm getting there! 

I shared a bit about the reason why I felt I needed to "isolate" to self-heal but I wanted to share about my journey in learning to accept help... 

In my time starting my healing journey... I constantly felt isolated, I felt alone and further fell into depression. 

I wanted to uphold an image of being put together that only made me start to isolate more. 

In these moments the common theme was : Isolation.

My coping looked like, being in romantic relationships and escaping that way or other forms of engaging in numbness to escape... 

Throughout these moments, I would have interactions of "seeking help" and I started to realize it's not so bad... 

What was hindering me from seeking help in the first place was my own fear of being rejected.

Once, I started engaging in seeking help as supplementary to my self-healing, I felt more open to hearing what others had to say or how they could help me - WITHOUT creating this false sense of dependency that they were there to "save me" from myself. 

Self Healing thrives in your trust in yourself and what abundance you hold. 

Once you can realize and face the limiting beliefs that are holding you back or stumping you in your path - you can intentionally welcome in guidance. 

This guidance can be from other people, mental-health professionals, family, the Universe (God - Source etc.) 

What I have learned so far is that self-healing was a call for facing myself and taking control of my healing. I would argue that although healing is a larger umbrella where self healing falls under, self healing is the only path towards true, authentic and continuous healing. 

Once you face yourself and are able to check in with yourself and your needs more often, you will be in control of the outcomes of that healing. There is the saying, "no one knows you like YOU know you." and the famous, "you can walk a horse to water but you can't make it drink"... this is true in your healing journey as well. 

It is truly a balance between autonomous choice in healing, allowing for yourself to heal and conscious interactions with others. 

Isolation should be a strategy used sparingly so that you are able to truly tune into yourself but it is not at the center of healing. True healing exists through being able to manage and face your life fully, around others and in solitude. 

Thank you for reading and sending you love in your own journey of healing. 💛