Social Media is Fake

social media is fake. 

Its obvious I know. 

We all know,  but what I didn't know- was the long term effects of growing up on social media. 

My first recollection of social media was going on those group chat websites and talking to strangers. 

Then myspace at the tender age of 11.

The internet was a new terrain and I had absolutely no limits.

I have far too many stories that Id rather not focus on now. 

I remember the day I got my first smart phone at 14. 

I remember the feeling because I looked at the device like I didnt know how I was doing it before. 

When I got my first Iphone around 16, it felt like I was a part of a new world. 

Twitter was the first eyes to read my writing, my late night reflections... 

So many apps. 

I even remember the first time I got caught up into some sort of "internet scandal." 

The subtweets, the rumors, the bullying, the horror stories... 

I never realized how much of that came to create my identity and who I presented myself to be online. 

When I was single in my early 20's Instagram was a space to reconnect, to show how I was and what I was doing. The attention it drew at that moment didn't seem all that bad at the time. 

Turning 27 really brought me to rethink what social media is to me. 

I was feeling some type of way because for the first time in a long time I actually sat down to think about my space in this virtual place. 

Anyone who truly knows me, knows I have a few different accounts. Those accounts were the ways I interacted with my diverse interests and networked within those different arenas. 

I had always had a "personal" page, the page I had since I was 17 in HS. I used to have it set to private, until recently. 

I didnt have anything to hide, so much of what I had been posting for the past couple of years post COVID had been more creative in nature and slowly I stopped sharing anything personal about my life. 

I say personal as in treating it as a reflection of who I am or what I am doing. 

But there was still a part of me that felt strange in thinking about what I was consuming, the folx that would constantly come up on my feed or the stories I would watch. 

I realize that everyone interacts with social media in their own ways. I had lost the fear or worry of judgement from people I knew when I was younger that still followed me a long time ago but a strange gut feeling came up for me and I needed to sort out why... 

The why...

In such a fast paced world, now at 27 when my life is completely different and the folx I once said I know become people I knew and the only things I know about them are the posts that come up on my screen... I realized something important. 

At 11, when I first started navigating the internet - I was seeking connection. 

As an adult, subconsciously I wanted to continue some sort of connection and in a way holding on to "followers" or "friends" on different social media platforms felt like connection still. Until now. 

I dont feel connected. My real life feels so different. Social media is a fake place and I felt trapped in the carousel of pictures of milestones, friendships that stayed, people's experiences and more... 

This post is merely my realization in full circle of where I want to move forward to in my intention online. 

I dont want to seek connection online. I now truthfully interact with socials as a medium where I can share projects/events im passionate about, an occasional rant about my thoughts or simply a space to pull ideas/inspiration from and sometimes learn something new. 

My social media is nothing more than a blog and website - I don't plan in interacting in a way that shares anything true about my life, relationships or plans. Because those that want to know and deserve to know will, through the intention of authentic interaction and human connection. 

I hope my reflection serves as a reminder that social media is fake and performative. 

I hope this serves as an invitation to ground yourself in the real world, and the authentic connections and conversations had outside of your DMs.